Through VIPI I’ve met many wonderful parents. Parents who like me, were just skipping (sometimes limping) along, doing their best and loving their kids. Looking into the face of another homicide survivor whose eyes reflect my disbelief and indescribably intense pain, gives me comfort. It helps to share the insanity that results when a loved one is murdered. Most importantly, to share it with someone else that “gets it”. Getting this is something I never dreamed I would be doing.

Healing from homicide is a long road. Twenty three months ago I was unable to believe that healing was even possible. Twenty three months later, because of VIPI , I know it is possible. There are people in your groups that have endured lots longer than I and are stronger people for it. I want to become one of those strong people too. I am immensely grateful to know that the intense pain can relent and that when it surfaces, I have folks to help me get through it.

When I was shopping the other day I saw a shirt that would have made Josh’s intense blue eyes dance off his face. For a fleeting second my mind was wrapping it for Christmas. But I won’t be shopping for Josh again this Christmas. Other homicide survivors will not be shopping for their loved ones either. I have learned that by sharing this pain together, we can find some individual peace.

Thank you for giving me hope for peace. Thank you for guiding me through the most horrendous pain I’ve ever known. Thank you for helping me understand the insanity that murder brings to your life. Thank you for helping my surviving son survive. Thank you for helping us put the shattered pieces of our family back together. We have strides to make yet but without you, your program, your wonderful volunteers and my fellow survivors; I fear where we might be (or not be) today.

With gratitude and best wishes for a peaceful holiday, Sue Maher"

victims tell their stories

A letter from Sue Maher, giving a brief perspective into her world of healing.

"Dear Margaret,

This Christmas holiday marks my second without Josh. The holidays had always been such joyful times of family togetherness. Me and my boys. Having two sons has been a challenge and a delight. They helped shape me as a person, define my boundaries so I could help them define theirs. So much has changed since the Christmas of 1997.

Josh unwrapped a navy sweater, plaid cotton shirt and khaki pants. He was a clothes hound and always devoured the newest fashions. Shopping for him was easy. I would look for a young adult clerk that donned the most recent fad and ask him what outfit he would buy. I purchased it and was almost always on target. Josh and his brother put their new Christmas clothes on for the family picture in front of the tree. They looked so handsome and so grown up. The next time I saw Josh in that Christmas outfit was in his casket on February 3, 1998.

Josh will now be 22 forever. His younger brother will join him at that age this next year. They were never supposed to be the same age, Josh was three years older. Because of 8 angry young men, the younger brother is now an only child.

Without the Victim Intervention Project Institute (VIPI), I would never be able to write these words. Think these words. Say these words. The support, love and guidance I have gained from your weekly homicide survival groups has made it possible for me to face Josh’s death. Moms are not supposed to bury their children. Unfortunately and luckily, I know I am not the only Mom to face this horror.